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Even When I Cannot See | By Emily Lawson



I felt my anxiety starting to take over.


I had not taken my medicine in a few days because I had simply forgotten, overwhelmed by the circumstances in our house.


My crazy, always on the move, constantly-talking son had been sick for a full week. Not a cold, but actually getting sick, barely eating or drinking, laying around on the couch, napping constantly. We had three doctor’s appointments that week and more calls to the office than we have had since he had been born.


My mind just kept telling me everything that could happen.


“We’re going to have to take him to the hospital, and he hates doctors.”

“What if they have to sedate him just to get an IV in his arm?”

“What if it’s Covid? What if he gets that rare reaction like Kawasaki’s?”


And even:

“Everyone is going to think I’m irresponsible for taking my kids out with the virus out there.”

“They’re going to call CPS thinking that I’m not being a good mom.”


Have you ever felt yourself over reacting? You knew in your head that this was just too much of a response to the situation, but you continued to have the response flow through you?


That is exactly how I felt. I knew my kids were not going to get taken away from me the first time they came down with a virus (it was not Covid, thankfully!). I knew that no matter what happened, he was going to be okay, whether with forced help or on his own! But my mind kept telling me that having that knowledge was not enough.


“Likewise also the chief priests mocking him, with the scribes and elders, said, He saved others; himself he cannot save. If he be the King of Israel, let him now come down from the cross, and we will believe him.” Matthew 27:41-42 (KJV)


In today’s time, we have so much information available at our fingertips. If we want to know something, we can do less than five minutes of research and find an abundance of material on the subject. We are so used to being able to see first, and believe second, our mind is trained to want that in every situation.


This is why it is so important to take a step back and refocus our mind when we are feeling overwhelmed. It is so easy to see what is happening and think that God is just letting our world fall apart, or that He does not care to help us in our time of need. However, taking that step back, we KNOW everything He has done for us before. We should not have to see an improvement in our current situation to KNOW that God is going to take care of it.


Just like the priests, scribes, and elders, they admitted that Jesus had power; “He saved others,” they said. However, they did not want to believe that He was all powerful because He was not acting to save Himself in the situation at hand. They wanted proof right then.


God is always flowing through us. He is the gut feeling to avoid something. He is the peace in the storm. He is the knowledge of something better when the world is facing you head on. Through it all, He does not leave us behind to fend for ourselves. Our minds want to push Him aside to spotlight the difficult things that He “isn’t taking care of”, but the heart knows that there is something to learn, a way to grow, or a way to step closer, through it all.


Where is your focus right this moment? As things are moving faster than you can handle, whose hands are holding your mind-boggling world?


Yours? Or His?


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