It had never been anything I had thought much about.
When I was younger it started out as me digging my nails into my skin when I was anxious, sad, or angry. It was quick and unnoticeable, but it helped me feel like I had some type of balance over my life. Everything else was going on around me and I had no control over it: my parents divorce, the sexual abuse, the bullying. Over and over it seemed to be the quickest and easiest way to deal with my problems.
As I got older; however, the nails digging into my skin did not seem to be enough. It did not hurt enough to match the pain I felt on the inside of me and it was not deep enough to really leave a mark to help me forget. So, at 16-years-old I moved past my nails and began the terrible and saddening coping mechanism of self-harm.
This lasted in my life until honestly, very recently. As I was sitting in my bathtub last night, looking at my scars God brought to my remembrance that it had been a year since I have been FREE of self-harm.
Glory to God!
It is crazy to think that even after being saved and finding Jesus that I would still resort to cutting and hurting myself; but there were occasions when I did. I found Jesus in college, but strayed away a few times from Him. It wasn’t until depression had taken over my life that I realized I needed Him more than I needed anything else and it was time for a change.
I share this testimony with you today in hopes of helping someone who might have this problem. I want to tell you there is FREEDOM for you! If you are saved and follow Jesus or if you don’t and are still on the fence about it; there is something we all have in common. Pain, the difference though is how we all DEAL with that pain.
Daughter of the most high, if there is one thing God has taught me in this journey it is that I matter to Him. And so do YOU. It is not you against God. It is you and GOD against the world! That is, if you let Him in.
Lay all the pain and hurt down at His feet. Realize your worth in HIS eyes, and you will never be able to harm yourself again. God has set me free from the pain inside of me so I know He can do the same for you.
I realize that I am loved by a God who sent His son to die for me! Why would we hurt the temple He has given us? It doesn’t take the pain away; it only makes the pain last longer.
In Isaiah 55:1 the word of God says, “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price!”
Come to the Lord oh beautiful daughter! Come to the one who loves you more than anyone else, because HE made you.
If you are hurting yourself in anyway; cutting, drinking, smoking, or frivolous sex to try and numb the hurt inside of you….COME. The Lord says whoever is thirsty can come, free of charge. He has already paid the price for you on the cross. You are LOVED and you are BEAUTIFUL.
I am a living testament of His grace and mercy. I do not even have the desire to pick up that razor blade anymore, because I know who I am in HIM, and so can YOU!
Lastly, what happens after we come to Jesus???....HEALING.
“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.” Jeremiah 17:14
The Lord can heal you of anything, daughter of the most high. Come to the river today. Do not be afraid.