For the past two years, I have been waiting on God to intervene on my behalf in a particular situation. It has been an emotional journey walking through this process. I remember thinking during most of 2019 that if I could just overcome this giant, I could move on with my life and finally do what I knew God had called me to do.
If what I was going through emotionally at the time was not enough, I fell ill and began to struggle physically. At this point, I had had enough. I had already been grappling with emotional turmoil over the past two years and now, on top of all of that, there came a physical battle that I had to fight in my body. On the outside, I appeared healthy to everyone, but everyday, I was in constant pain and discomfort, not understanding why I had to face something like this.
In the midst of my emotional and physical pain, I constantly asked God the age old question: “Why?” “Why is this happening to me now God”? Why does it seem like I can’t catch a break? Why doesn’t my life make sense anymore? Why am I struggling with a health issue when I should be enjoying my youth?”
My vision of the future that I once dreamt about was now a blurry mess! I could not see through the fog; my pain and suffering just felt too real. I would wake up every day feeling numb. The pain, the confusion, and the uncertainty was overwhelming.
I remember one particular day in the midst of my pain, I had been asking God why He never allowed me to see what I had been praying for. I thought to myself, “It’s been two years God, why haven’t you intervened already?” Aren’t you supposed to answer the cries of your people? Aren’t you a good, good Father?”
The prayer requests I had were all things that He had promised me, but it just seemed like it would NEVER happen. At that moment though, I felt the Holy Spirit speak gently to my heart.
In the sweetest voice, I heard “If I had given you the breakthrough you prayed for, you would not be able to handle it”.
You see, if God had given me what I had been praying for, it would have required me to move to the other side of the world. I would have endured my illness in a forgeign country, alone, away from my family. I knew within myself that it would have been much harder to walk through a season of sickness without the support of my family, and the recovery would have been much more gruelling.
I believe without a shadow of a doubt that God already knew this. In His love and mercy, He held off from opening a door because He knew that I would not be ready for what was to come, no matter how ready I thought I was.
I chose to share my story because I realize that oftentimes, we only see a mere speck on the painting of our lives. We are looking at a small stroke, and we try to make sense of it, when God already has a full view of the portrait. When we are walking through a season of delay or difficulty, it is easy for us to focus so closely on what is in front of us that we forget that God already knows our end from the beginning.We might only have a limited view and understanding of everything that takes place in our lives, but God sees everything. He sees the bigger picture, and we can trust that everything that He has planned for us will be good because He is a good Father.
I pray that as you read my story, you can find comfort in this truth that God sees the bigger picture of your life. You may have been praying for something for years and because it has yet to happen, you have lost hope. Or, you may have expected your current circumstances to look a lot different than they do right now. Whatever it is that you are facing, remember that God sees everything. He already knows what is going to happen. He knows why you are where you are now, and He knows where you are going. I believe with all my heart that once we trust in Him, we can rest assured that the bigger picture that He is painting is much more beautiful than we can ever imagine.
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9 (NLT)