Dear Old Me,
I see you. I feel your anxiousness. I feel your worry; how deep it goes in your chest. I know that your head tries to tell you that you need to lose that weight. I know it tells you that you are not as pretty as her. I know it tells you that you do not have the skills.
I know it tells you that they do not care.
And I also know it keeps those words on a repeat soundtrack at all hours. Day and night.
I also know what you have been through. You have overcome so many things already. You’ve been to the darkest of days and back in your life.
Yet, that lonely feeling stands. It reminds you every day of the times you have failed and been failed by others. Your mind tells you that God has no idea where you are. You are one in millions. There is no way that He can feel the need to help you.
But, honey, God sees you as ‘one in a million’. You are unique and perfect. He created the you that you are and cares enough to send His only son to die on a cross for YOU. God is so much greater than the thoughts that the devil puts in your head.
“My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)
That means YOUR weakness.
His strength is the PERFECT thing that comes from admitting the weakness you feel.
Your significant other is not always available. Your best friend needs sleep, too. Your social media friends will not quite get it on the level you need.
Your mind is a dangerous prison, love.
Mentally: It holds you in a controlled environment and in some ways that provides comfort. You are in a place that is familiar, and you have grown used to the numbness. It is mostly in your control. But on bad days, you just need to reach a little further than it is letting you, and the chains around your neck dig a little deeper. That restraint makes you feel like you are never going to make it out alive.
Physically: You are tired. And not an “Oh I couldn’t sleep last night” tired, but an “I can feel it in my bones, and it isn’t going to change” tired. You are tired of faking the smile for others. You are tired of trying so hard to be “normal”, and it is weighing down your shoulders and making it harder to get out of bed.
You need help.
And asking for help does not mean that you have failed. It means that you have WON. It means that you have finally stepped back, let go of control, and held to the hand of Jesus to drag you out of the pit that your head has held you captive in all this time.
Now, listen to Him.
Rebuke the devil from off your back. Tell him he has no place. Take hold of your Savior’s hand and let him break those chains.
Get out there. Seek the help. Talk to the doctor. Take the medication. Get on the path that helps you be the best you.
For your family.
Recovery is a road, but you have got a friend to walk down it with you. Through each step, He will place your foot. Each bump, He catches your arm. Trust in Him.
It can and WILL get better. I am telling you from the other side.
Your mental health is so important, and you are worth every bit of effort.
Never forget that.
Love, New Me
Follow Emily’s Instagram @the_modest_wife and/or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.