In the past few days, I have enjoyed going back in my memories to the summer breaks from school when long hot days were everything. With my current free time due to not working, I have been able to do spontaneous crafting, read books and soak up sunny days. This has resulted in feeling once again like a child, who can just enjoy her time in a way that suits her bes
I know I am lucky to be isolated in a house with a big garden, a lot of interests and mainly good friends with their two incredible children. The house is never boring or quiet (not always for the benefit of the adults) and is unceasingly buzzing with new ideas, games, crafts, chats and snacks. Not being the parent makes it also easier to retreat for down time when needed, and so I call my situation a win.
I needed the time to ‘just be’; to follow any idea that comes to mind, to enjoy myself and not worry about what is to come because I know that any issue will not be too big (we will work it out and support each other with my housemates.) From an unbelievably messy house, through forgotten dinners, to not having the capacity to cope with the children who did not sleep enough, there is something every day - something that makes me wonder how we are still managing to keep going.
What I have learned is how good it feels to not assume something will go wrong, but to face it when it actually does; it frees a lot of space for joy and living in the now.
I could stop here and enjoy this kind of life while I can, but the Holy Spirit has been nudging me and reminding me how I do the same with Him. This time of isolation, besides all the things I described, started with a lot of time spent with God (prayer times, worship, resting in His presence.) He has been speaking to me, yet I let the time slip away. It is not because I do not like spending time with God or I did not get much out of it, but because I heard Him speak and I saw Him starting to work on things inside me. I got scared, and I started assuming that it would hurt. It will be hard, and there is so much more to be unraveled that I am not sure I can take.
As a response, God as witty as He can be said, ‘So you’re not worried about your everyday problems because you have the right people around you, yet you avoid me and worry about what I am about to do in your life because…’ and left me hanging there.
Our God is so much bigger, better and more loving than we can imagine, so why do we let our broken thoughts presume what He is going to do or think? Everyone has their own thing – the fear of hardship is mine, but it can be shame, feeling distanced from God, or even just not feeling like praying. All these thoughts stem from not trusting God – not trusting that He will forgive us, accept us, speak, move, that the time with Him can be enjoyable. But is any of this really that big that we can’t trust our God? Let’s not limit God based on our presumptions and let Him surprise us with His goodness in all the ways.
I am afraid, but I know I can trust Him that He will be gentle and will unpick everything in the right time for me to be able to bear. I am learning to come to Him trusting who I know He is, excited to spend time with the one who I am the closest to, and knowing He wants the best for me and will always be by my side.
Whatever it is that is stopping you from coming and giving yourself to God today, know that He has it covered. You do not have to worry about anything. You just need to love Him and make sure you enjoy your time with Him, and He will take care of you and anything that comes your way.