Navigating Life as a Single Christian | By Kylie Brewer

Updated: Sep 10, 2020

“Just wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens.” Ruth 3:18

If anyone knows what it is like to face a long waiting season, it is me, and waiting is one of my least favorite things to do. I cannot stand getting stuck in traffic, waiting in long lines, or waiting for a sequel to my favorite book or movie to come out. Waiting is NO fun, especially when you have a desire that is so real to you, but feels so out of reach.

I did not think my life would be this way. This is not the life I pictured for myself at age twenty-eight. For my entire life, I have always looked forward to marriage, motherhood, and everything in between. (I am literally THAT girl who has her entire wedding planned out on pinterest and has a list of baby names on her phone.)

Not only did I think that I would be married young, but I also thought that I would have a minivan full of kids by now.

Every time a family member or friend would ask me “WHEN are you ever going to get married?”, I would feel my heart sink to my stomach. They did not intentionally ask me those questions to hurt me, but the insecurity and doubt inside of me caused those type of questions to make me question if God really cared about me.

Comparison is a thief of joy. Cliche, but true. There was a time that I actually let my lifelong single season affect my identity and the way that I viewed myself because I would constantly compare myself to other people.

As I noticed these great things happening for everyone but me, I began thinking that maybe I am just not good enough. Maybe I am not pretty enough, or smart enough, or outgoing enough. I began to think that I could never measure up. I even thought that maybe I needed to change something about myself to be more desirable. There just had to be something I was doing wrong.

There were even times when I tried to jump ahead of God’s will for my life and make things happen myself. However, the more I leaned into God, the more I realized that my calling and my purpose in this world has nothing to do with a spouse. Although that is a desire of my heart, and something I pray for often, it has nothing to do with my kingdom assignment.

No matter how hard it may be, God wants us to serve and maximize the season we are currently in. God cares about your desires, but He cares even more about your destiny.

So, I started saturating myself in God’s word. I started saturating myself in His promises. I increased my desire to know who He was. The more I understood who He was, I understood who I was. And the more I learned who I was, the more I understood that all of those times I accused Him of “forgetting” about me, He was really just trying to tell me “I want your undivided attention.”

All along, He was just pointing me to a deeper relationship with Him. He wants to pursue me and love me right where I am. He wants this season to show me how valuable I am in His eyes, before the person He has for me comes along. He wanted me to see that my story is not like anyone else's, and it is not worthy of comparison.

I remember being a child and wanting a MySpace profile. I begggggged and pleaded to my parents.

“All of the other kids have one, I just don’t understand why you won’t let me have one!”

My mom was COMPLETELY against the idea. “You are too young. When you’re older, you can handle it better. Right now is just not the time.”

She also explained to me that the reason she did not want me on social media was not because she wanted to deprive me of anything, but she wanted to protect me. She cared more about my safety than my popularity. She knew that social media, in that particular season, would corrupt me because I was not mature enough then. She loved me too much than to just let me have this desire without waiting for the right time when I would be ready.

A good parent knows the perfect time to give their children what they want or need. In the same way, God loves us too much to give us the things we want before it is the perfect time.

I have a friend who is currently in a waiting season of her own. She is one of my favorite people to get wisdom from because I feel like she really understands. (PS- just a piece of advice: find someone that you can relate to to seek counsel from. It always hits differently coming from someone that you can actually relate to)

One of the best pieces of advice that she has given me that will always stick with me is “God doesn’t ever run out of resources.”

As I sit and reflect on that sentence, it really hits me. He doesn’t “run out” of those things that our hearts desire and long for. He wants us to be able to grasp the sufficiency of His love. He doesn’t want us to feel lonely, or doubt Him. In those moments of weakness when we begin to forget His promises, He wants us to be brave enough to increase our trust. He wants us to be able to recognize our spiritual desperation in those moments when we feel as though He has forgotten us.

God has not run out of husbands to bless me with. Just like He has not “run out” of that thing you have been asking Him for. He is an abundant God, He is not limited! He is not even interested in meeting our expectations; He wants to EXCEED them.

In my waiting season, I have learned that it’s important to set boundaries and guard your heart. Guarding your heart is your responsibility as a Christ follower. Your heart is extremely valuable and worth being guarded.

When you think about things that you “guard”, they are usually things of value. Your debit card, your children, your pets… you don’t want anything bad to happen to them because they are important to you. Your heart is valuable because it is the source of everything you do. Just like your physical body, if your spiritual heart dies, so does your leadership, your abilities, your dreams, your passions, your goals.

I found that when my heart was so focused on what I did not have, I started to become less passionate about all of my God-dreams that He had already given me. I forgot about the things He had already told me He wanted me to do, all because my heart was not postured.

Another way that I had to guard my heart was by setting boundaries and avoiding things that triggered negative emotions because I recognized that those feelings of jealousy, comparison, and resentment were not from God.

One thing I never want to do is to wish my life away, to be so caught up in wanting and desiring physical blessings from God that I forget what He is doing RIGHT NOW in the middle of it all.

One of my favorite bible verses is Galatians 6:9; “Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.”

For me, this means working the field God has me in and being faithful with the things He has assigned to me right now, knowing that in His timeline, my reaping season will come.

Recently, I found myself praying less about my future husband because it felt like it was pointless. A few weeks ago, I sat with God and asked Him if I could just dream with Him again.

I heard Him speak so clearly to me: “It is okay for you to dream. I’ve always wanted you to dream with me.”

It is okay to dream about the future and be excited for what’s next, but promise yourself to not get so caught up in what is ahead that you miss what is right now. I hope that you remember that He is an abundant God who never runs out of promises that are specifically for you. He wants you to be excited for the future. He wants you to enjoy every second of your precious life. He wants you to dream again.

I hope that you are brave enough to leave the comparisons, doubts, fears and insecurities you have at the feet of Jesus and boldly believe that the best is yet to come.

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