Updated: May 27
I am an extrovert by nature. I love to be around people, go places and do fun activities. I get energy from all of this, but recently, it has been very hard for me to do. I have found myself in a whirlwind of depression and anxiety. I have had countless phone calls and meetings with trustworthy friends and God Himself about why I am in this funk.
This funk grew so thick that I found myself not enjoying food or my favorite hobbies. One day, I remember trying to paint, and I just could not get into it. Another time, I was trying to read my Bible, and I became overwhelmed and frustrated. I started to cry. Everything that I tried to do was a fight. I have never felt like this in my life.
Even at Bible Study, I could not hear what anyone was saying or even remember what the lesson was because my mind was so bogged down with sadness. After sometime, I came to the conclusion that I had not talked about the burdens I was carrying inwardly to enough people or even cried about it enough.
Recently, I was at my sister's apartment just eating a bowl of ice cream, and I began to unravel what was within. From this moment, I truly felt relieved.
Now I find myself in a season of restoration and recovery. Sometimes, that looks like venting and allowing every thought and emotion to be told to God throughout the day, or by telling something to a close friend or a family member. I allow things that have been hidden to be revealed and to be healed, and let the Lord restore my soul to wholeness.(Psalms 23)
I am slowly finding myself wanting to actually eat food and enjoy it because I am just spending time with God all day. I can now do daily tasks without feelings of anxiety rushing in. I give thanks to God for healing my mind and my emotions.
I have come to realize that even though I may be antsy or depressed, God is still here with me. He draws me to Himself just as He did many people in the Bible such as Elijah (1 Kings 18-19)
Elijah was a great prophet, friend, and servant of the Lord. He had just raised a little boy from the dead by praying over him three times. He killed all the evil prophets of Jezebel by calling down fire and many other things. Elijah at this point is really exhausted in every way possible. He then receives a message from Jezebel saying that she is going to kill him for killing her prophets.
After receiving this message, Elijah is filled with anxiety and fear. Now, you would think that a man filled with the Holy Spirit and obviously walks very close with the Lord would not be afraid of someone trying to kill him. He is the very definition of ``to die is gain”, right? Wrong.
Just like many of us, Elijah grew tired too. He had anxiety and fear. He is a human like the rest of us. It does not matter how much or how many times we call down fire like he did to kill some evil prophets, heal the sick, or raise the dead, there is still that human nature that sits there and says a lot of negative things. It can even cause us to act on those negative thoughts out of fear.
Because of his fear, Elijah ran. He hid his servant in Beersheba, and he himself ran into the wilderness. He sat under a broom tree and cried out to the Lord to kill him because he just could not take it anymore.
I can relate to this myself. My fears sometimes are heavy on me, and I can end up saying the same words Elijah did, but God does not answer that prayer. Instead, He feeds Elijah bread and wine and sends him on a forty day journey into the wilderness to clear his head. The Lord then encounters him inside the cleft of a rock on Mount Horeb. The Lord reminds him of who God is and begins to just speak tenderly to Elijah by telling him everything is going to be okay.
If you ever feel like you are alone in a funk or in a really sticky situation, just know that the Lord is right there waiting for you to run to him and allow him to hold you and to restore your soul.
“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23 (NIV)