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Unfulfilled Longings| By Jasmine Beard

Lord, I will exalt you and lift you high,

for you have lifted me up on high!

Over all my boasting, gloating enemies,

you made me to triumph.

O Lord, my healing God,

I cried out for a miracle and you healed me!

You brought me back from the brink of death,

from the depths below.

Now here I am, alive and well, fully restored!

O sing and make melody, you steadfast lovers of God.

Give thanks to him every time you reflect on his holiness!

I’ve learned that his anger lasts for a moment,

but his loving favor lasts a lifetime!

We may weep through the night,

but at daybreak it will turn into shouts of ecstatic joy.

I remember boasting, “I’ve got it made!

Nothing can stop me now!

I’m God’s favored one; he’s made me steady as a mountain!”

But then suddenly, you hid your face from me.

I was panic-stricken and became depressed.

Still I cried out to you, Lord God. I shouted out for mercy, saying,

“What would you gain in my death,

if I were to go down to the depths of darkness?

Will a grave sing your song?

How could death’s dust declare your faithfulness?”

So hear me now, Lord; show me your famous mercy.

O God, be my Savior and rescue me!

Then he broke through and transformed all my wailing

into a whirling dance of ecstatic praise!

He has torn the veil and lifted from me

the sad heaviness of mourning.

He wrapped me in the glory garments of gladness.

How could I be silent when it’s time to praise you?

Now my heart sings out loud, bursting with joy—

a bliss inside that keeps me singing,

“I can never thank you enough!” -Psalm 30

Recently, I layed in my bed and had a desire to cry. All day long I had suppressed the pain that was inside of me. I wanted to cry my eyes out into my pillow because of the absence of the very thing I longed for.

But then I felt stupid, ungrateful, and more mixed emotions, “What will crying solve?” I thought to myself.

“There are people dying of cancer, people who are going hungry tonight, yet I want to cry about this? Jasmine, snap out of it, pull yourself together!”

So, in that moment I made a decision to suck all the tears that were surfacing back,suppressed my emotions, and tried to fall asleep. As I pouted, tossed and turned, and tried to fix my eyes on Jesus and more important things I felt the spirit say, “read Psalm 30”. I was not sure if I heard Him correctly but, then I heard Him again. I put off reading the chapter until the next morning.

The next day, as I sat in the corner of a coffee shop and read Psalm 30 verses 11-12 stuck out to me. They read:

“You have turned my mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever!”

In that moment I realized that God acknowledged my pain. Although, my pain was small in comparison to so many others, God acknowledged how hard my circumstance was for me.

Ever since childhood I have had a burning desire to be a wife and a mom. But year after year, nothing. At times I wondered does God even care about this kind of pain?

I tried to believe the lie that the longing inside of me was because I was not focused on Jesus enough or because I was not grateful enough.

“Maybe if I was more grateful”, “Maybe if I served more”, “Maybe if I prayed away this longing” I would not have bouts of crying about a longing that is at the very core of who I am.”

But that is not true.

Being more grateful and serving more are great things and should be encompassed into all that we do as Christians, but they do not change a longing or desire inside of us.

The truth is when we have deep longings and desires that beautifully align with God’s word and are living with our eyes fixated on God we can trust that He cares. He cares about the longings, the pain, and the heartache that the waiting season can sometimes bring.

“Make God the utmost delight and pleasure of your life, and he will provide for you what you desire the most.” Psalms 37:4

We can trust that if God has placed a godly desire in us such as marriage and parenthood that He will be faithful to bring that desire into fruition.

Today, I want to encourage you to not hide the longings or desires that are deep in your heart. Bring those things straight to God so that He can comfort you and in due time give you the desires of your heart <3.

#desires #barren #Waiting #longings #Singleness #Wait #pregnancy #Seasonofwaiting #desire #Single

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